Learning to Dance a Thousand Miles Away
Osage woman overcomes unanswered questions, distance, and cancer to dance in June
By ON Communications
PAWHUSKA, Okla. (June 24, 2015) — “I’ve always wanted to dance,” said Sonya Van Dam, 39, Osage. Her voice is soft but heartfelt and as sincere as her determination over the last three years to accomplish this difficult task. Van Dam, a California resident, will be dancing this June in her very own traditional Osage woman’s outfit, tailored to her petite stature.
A lifelong journey
“When I was a little kid I would visit my dad in Fairfax during the summertime and one of those times, I was about nine or ten, my dad loaded [my brothers and me] up into the back of his pickup…and I saw it, I saw the Grayhorse dances and as a little girl it was magical,” she said. “I knew then that I wanted to know more about that side of my family and I wanted to know more about these dances. I just didn’t know it was going to be a lifelong journey to get there.”
Van Dam is not alone in her quest to reconnect with her Osage people and be culturally involved. She knows this and feels like her example should be an inspiration to other Osages who want the same for themselves as adults making their own way.
After taking a deep breath Van Dam said, “It’s really a labor of love.” Then she shared all the pit falls and nuances of acquiring traditional Osage women’s clothing.
“I started with the moccasins, because you have to start with your foundation, bottom up, but it was crazy because everything is handmade,” she said laughing. “It felt like a wild goose chase…and then my cousin introduced me to a man in California who made my Osage skirt and shirt…and a dear friend bought me a vintage Osage woman’s belt and vintage is priceless and it has a story of its own…so I really appreciate every single piece of my Osage regalia.”
Most individuals who own traditional hand crafted Native American items, made for them or otherwise inherited or purchased, are keenly aware of their rarity. The difficulties of acquiring these rare items when you live far away are compounded by the distance from the source of these items and then again if it’s a first time learning process. The internet does afford some advantages, but not always when it comes to purchasing traditional handmade clothing.
These are the hard facts that Van Dam has been working with for the past three years traveling back and forth from Los Angeles, CA, to the Osage Reservation in preparation for being able to dance under the Pawhuska Arbor this June.
Osage lineage
Not only has Van Dam been navigating the distant and ‘word-of-mouth’ resources for Osage clothing she has also been learning about her clan, family lineage and the etiquette and history of the I.Loⁿ.Shka dances.
“As an adult I decided that enough is enough, I need to find out who I am, where is my place in the tribe, and get in touch with my culture,” she said.
Everything is new and different for her because Van Dam is by all definitions very much a California girl. Her favorite traditional clothing is a tank top, shorts, sandals, and a Mini Cooper with the top down. She has lived in the Los Angeles area for more than ten years with her husband and her beloved signature Chihuahuas. But her roots are in Oklahoma where her heritage is and where she grew up in Okemah, Okla.
Finding answers has not been easy. “For me, and my dad being adopted, there are a lot of question marks about the past and where we come from…and you always wonder,” said Van Dam about her Osage lineage.
“I’ve always wanted a huge family and I recently found out that I have a huge family and I love meeting my new family. I feel disappointed that we didn’t have that time together growing up but I am so grateful to have them in my life right now,” she said about connecting with her Osage family.
Stage III Cancer
“In 2008 I was diagnosed with stage III colon cancer, and that was a life changer,” she said. “After surviving something like that you really take stock of your life and who you are and who is reflecting back at you in the mirror and that was a real turning point for me because I realized that I could die and not know who I am and not know about my culture.”
Van Dam said the cancer sped up her pace and determination and that finding answers about her lineage and clan took on a new urgency and meaning. She said she devoted more time to traveling to the Osage Reservation to talk to family and complete her traditional outfit.
“Cancer changes you and you just are not the same emotionally, physically or spiritually after cancer,” she said.
“[Cancer] did provide an urgency to figure [Osage traditional customs] out and to enjoy it and have time to enjoy it,” she added. “I wanted time to build upon relationships. Because when your diagnosed with cancer at a young age you suddenly realize that it could all be gone…and that I could never have an Osage name, that I could never find out who my clan is and that I could never really know my family and those things become important because they can be taken away, just like everything.”
Van Dam has been in remission for more than three years.
Praying in a Native American Church
As part of her healing process, Van Dam was invited by an aunt, who she connected with in early 2002, to pray at an Osage family church for a traditional Osage Native American Church Spring Meeting. She said it was another life changing experience that was difficult to put into words and is very personal.
She said the experience would not have been an opportunity if she had not been so determined to reach out to family and learn about her Osage culture.
“[Praying in a Native American Church] is an experience that only came about because I keep coming around and I keep showing and I keep asking questions and I keep asking for guidance. That is the direction that this journey has taken me and I am very appreciative…for the first time in my life I felt like I was being guided and not preached at and there is a difference for me.”
She said that surviving cancer left her feeling spiritually lost and that being in the NAC meeting provided her with a clarity she didn’t anticipate or find anywhere else
“Going to the meeting, asking for help and putting myself out there, not by sharing but just by being there…was spiritually and emotionally rewarding,” Van Dam said.
Van Dam plans to attend another meeting when she can and when invited.
Being included after watching from the sidelines
“The journey is hard but if you stick with it there is a pay-off at the end,” Van Dam said about her journey to learn about her Osage heritage.
There are still answers Van Dam is looking for and as a determined Osage woman she will keep going till she gets her answers. But for now she is going to enjoy donning her own Osage clothes and dancing with her people.
While everyone else is enjoying the experience of dancing under the new Pawhuska arbor, Van Dam will also be sharing the newness, but in her own way. She laughed, “I’m excited but I’m also really nervous, I don’t know how to dance…not growing up around powwows and dances I might have some crazy moves.”
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